All I Want is My Mommy

Mood:  exhausted


There are few things that change your perspective on the world the way that the words of children do.  Most times, I learn lessons I've learned a million times...but desperately need to be reminded of.  And sometimes...I get called a "lying poopyhead" for sympathizing with a child who was having some severe missing Mommy issues.


Here's what went down.  He got himself in trouble on the playground.  While he was in his "time to think" time-out he started crying hysterically.  As a childcare worker (or parent or anyone near a child) when you hear that sound you immediately go to the source.  I squatted and asked if he was okay.  He was not.  He missed his mommy.  I asked if after he was done with his "thinking time" we could do something fun while we waited for his mommy.  There was not.  I told him I would be there if he changed his mind.  He just looked at me, stopped crying and said, "all I want is my mommy."


It hit me at that moment that that's all I want right now too.  And it hit me hard. 


It's not that I'm not happy where I'm at.  I actually am really liking childcare in a licensed facility.  I definitely miss the autonomy that came with being a Director of Christian Ed...and the paycheck (though I'm not TOO far behind where I was...) but I love working hands on with the kids all day.  I LIVED for Wednesday nights when the kids and I got to hang out.  Or the days kids would randomly drop into my office.  So it's a nice change of pace, even if I don't have much control over my work environment and no control over hours or dress.


And I could not be more in love with the stepson.  Or Jeff and the whole being married thing.


Perhaps it's all the happiness that made me miss my Mommy that much more.  There are big things happening right now.  And while she was there for the beginning...she doesn't get to see the mundane day-to-day things.  We can't meet for lunch if we have time.  I can't curl up next to her on the couch with a glass of wine and crappy tv.

When I told the little boy that I just wanted my Mommy too, he nodded.  It's a universal feeling, I think, to always want the comfort associated with mommies and daddies and home and blankies and stuffed animals.  He looked at me with his tear stained cheeks and pitifully moaned that I could go see my mommy whenever I wanted.  I said that I, in fact, could not since my mommy lived far away.  "How far away?"  Since the kid is 4 and Pennsylvania or east coast isn't a valid response, I told him that my mommy lived a whole 2 day drive away.  He thought about it for a second...and then said "no she doesn't you lying poopyhead."


I told him he could keep thinking about talking and playing nicely and walked away.  An hour later I was on the phone with my mom.


It sucks to grow up.  There are some really awesome perks.  Getting married was fantastic and being married is even better.  Having a (step)son?  Can't even describe how awesome it is.  Being able to enjoy a glass of wine or choose my own bedtime (early tonight) is also great...


I can't help but feel nostalgic about my childhood working with kids.  And missing my mom...that's just part of the nostalgia.  And having a cool Mommy (something else I discussed with this boy) make missing her a little suckier.  And having all these big life changes, even the boring little ones...it's hard to be away from family.  And especially my Mommy sometimes.  Nobody rubs a back or soothes crying quite like a Mommy.  The little boy knew this.  And I knew this.  And I also know that I'll be okay...because I'm not going this alone anymore. 

(this picture was mommy performing the Celtic salt ceremony...which we did instead of a unity candle...at our wedding)