The title references words from my loving husband's lips last night. On the evening of November 6, 2011 Jeff and I had our first date of our married life. This does, of course, exclude the honeymoon which was, in actuality, one long extended date. However, since returning on September 26 it has been nothing but business. Trying to find work, packing up my old apartment, and once work had been found...working...like crazy.
While working like crazy I've realized that somewhere in this past year I've started to grow up. I mean...really grow up. I got married...I'm a (step)mommy...and there is even the talk of another little one (JUST TALK...for now). The whole growing up thing is actually kind of fun...which is a thought that somewhat scares me. Honestly I was pretty sure that I'd never grow up so the thought of actually enjoying growing up...YIKES! It both scares and makes me feel super nostalgic about my own childhood and family.
I love working with kids. I may be working 10 hour days with an hour commute, but I come home happy still. Do I come home tired or annoyed or frustrated? Of course. But I'm still happy. I love the kids I work with and for. And the daycare center is amazing. And each and every day working with the kids I realize how important growth is. How sacred each stage of life is...which makes growing up that much more painful.
Here's why. The kids are a constant reminder of how quickly life goes. Last night's date also served to drive that point home. Jeff and I have been married for almost 2 months...but it feels like it was yesterday. And forever ago at the same time...if that makes any sense. Anyway...point here is that life IS in the details. It's in the small day to day things that our lives happen. It's sharing a ridiculous and inane joke or morning rituals of showering and laughter. These are the moments that make life...well...life. And these are the moments that you miss when you live far away from family. You only hear the BIG things...things that force a change...and a BIG change at that. Not the small, tiny little changes that occur every second of every day.
These little kids master a color and it's like...the way they look at me...it's truly priceless. Getting to watch that on a daily basis and finally being a part of that growth at home with the (step)son is a feeling that I can't describe. And it's in this happiness that I find myself miserable some days.
My parents are missing out on being grandparents. They don't get to watch Malcolm count and recognize numbers. They don't get to see Jeff and I for dinner just because. The inside jokes that I shared with my sister get less funny every day. If only for the fact that they aren't shared.
Perhaps miserable was a bit of an overstatement. Not miserable...sad. Nostalgic definitely. Reading books with Malcolm or my class reminds me of every morning before school when my mother would read to us as we ate breakfast. Counting with them reminds me of trying to master multiplication with my dad at the dining room table.
This weekend, after a 40+ workweek and no sleep for 3 days, I broke down sobbing cause I missed my mommy. Jeff and I decided a date was in order. And this is how the blog came to be. Cocktails were 1/2 off at the sushi place last night so Jeff and I splurged. In keeping with the growing up theme...I learned last night that I can no longer drink...since I never do. 2...yes 2...drinks in I was super happy. Drunk? Nope. Buzzed? Perhaps. Happy and loose lipped? Definitely.
It was a well deserved date night and a great way to begin a week. Now as I zone out to TV with the husband laying his head on my back I'm realizing how happy I am to be a grown up cheap date. Do I miss my family? More than I can say. Are there moments when I still look to the passenger seat half expecting Caitlyn to be sitting there? Far too many to count. But I really can't complain about life right now. It's pretty sweet. And there are some definite perks to being grown up....like actually getting to be a bride instead of playing dress up....
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