Since I was a little girl I've hated Sunday nights. Most people do, the end of the weekend isn't exactly a happy time. And since it's me Sunday nights used to be...extreme. I would spend hours bawling about having to go back to school/work. From the moment I woke up I would start the gut wrenching countdown. In 5th grade my therapist suggested doing something, as a family, that both soothed me and made me happy. Some Sundays we would go out or order in Chinese (my eternal comfort food). Other Sundays Mommy would pop popcorn, pile on the couch with me, and watch tv. She'd even rub my back.
To be honest, the couch and tv routine continued until I moved to Iowa. The last job I held in Pennsylvania become a constant source of anxiety and Sunday nights became watching Jonas (juvenile? indeed. comforting...insanely) night with Mommy and Caitlyn.
Now that I'm an adult I've had to figure out ways to keep the anxiety level at a minimum for myself. Without relying on Daddy to pick up the tab at the Chinese restaurant or Mommy to give up time with her husband to watch the Disney channel with me or Caitlyn to finger dance and host light switch raves to make me laugh.
Jeff and I had to say goodbye to the son tonight, and that's never fun. That's a huge understatement. The whole ordeal of saying goodbye is utterly depressing.
Given my current state of depression, I was really worried about tonight. It's a crappy feeling to walk away from the son...and I hate watching Jeff go through that pain. I'm facing my first full week of full-time work at a job I'm not familiar or comfortable with yet. And...as I stated earlier...I'm already feeling depressed.
One of my very favorite things about Jeff is that he keeps me calm. Always. Of course I get anxious or depressed around him, but it's never to the extent that I feel like it's impossible to manage.
Tonight is no different. I've spent the last hour coloring a prayer for the upcoming year. Jeff and I have settled in front of the tv with drinks (rum and tropical fruit juice for the husband...shiraz for me) and we're enjoying our Sunday night dramas. I'm still anxious. I'm still not looking forward to getting up tomorrow morning...but I know it'll be okay because I get to wake up next to my husband. And since we're working the same hours this week...I get to run errands with him (and maybe grab dinner out!!!!) tomorrow night. I get to get ready for work with him. Laugh with him. Pack lunches next to each other.
I don't want this post to diminish the role that my family played when I was younger. They did everything they could to make Sunday nights as painless as possible. And Caitlyn continued that until last year.
It's just...with marriage...the knowledge that I get to do EVERYTHING with somebody by my side, no exceptions, it's so soothing and calming that it's hard to get too worked up about going back to work on a Monday. Besides, I won't get comfortable with this new job unless I'm there to work it...and Christmas is coming........
I hope you all had a great weekend. And that you find something to make you feel as blessed as I do lounging in front of our (brand new awesome 36" LCD....loooooooooove wedding presents) television.
Have a happy Monday!
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