2012...

Mood:  meh....


It's 3:04pm on a Saturday afternoon.  I'm blogging from beneath a quilt, wearing sweats and a Millersville shirt.  I've showered...done 2 loads of laundry....started my boards on Pinterest...and read half of my current literary obsession Whip Smart:  The True Story of a Secret Life.  And it's been a fantastic day.  The dawning of today marked the first of 48 hours during which Jeff and I had NOTHING (besides laundry) that HAD to be done.  Nothing.  No errands that can't wait.  No holiday events or parties.  No bank runs or grocery runs.  Nothing.  


And it feels phenomenal.  And indulgent.  And sooooooooo odd.  And I kind of hate that I am feeling like emotional crap today.


I'm not used to sitting all day and being...lazy.  And I always say that all I want is to have NOTHING to do.  I like having the chance to be lazy...most of the time.  But, secretly, I hate it as well.  For a few reasons.  The most prevalent one today, though, is the PMS.  I've been having really depressing PMS lately.  Not like I sink into an actual depression, I'm just not myself.  I was trying to tell the husband how I felt earlier and all I could come up with was the line from the 40 Year-Old Virgin where Leslie Mann screams "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaawd, I hope I get my period soon...I am in SUCH A BAD MOOD!"


Is there a menstruating woman alive who can't relate to that feeling?  It is so frustrating to be in this horrendous mood even when you honestly do feel fine.  But you don't.  You're happy and annoyed and...honestly...it's just all very exhausting.  I'm a big believer in honoring feelings....especially if they're painful and hard and frustrating...but there does come a point in time where faking happiness or plastering a smile on your face can be incredibly useful.  There most definitely is wisdom in the old adage "fake it till you make it."


Which brings me to why I sometimes dislike being having nothing to do.  I've stayed busy reading.  Wasting time online.  Doing laundry.  Talking with the husband.  Watching tv.  Showering.  It's just...I don't know.  


I had a fantastic date night with Jeff last night. And my work week was hectic, but overall, good.  Jeff and I had an exhausting week for numerous reasons...and I thought that I wanted nothing more than to just do nothing.  All weekend.  I do.  And I don't.  I am itching to get out of the house....but every single time Jeff and I think of something to do, the thought of leaving the house feels overwhelming and not fun.  Even though I KNOW I should get out...perhaps for nothing else than to grab a cup of coffee or some frozen yogurt or walk around Target or get a tattoo or...SOMETHING.  Something just to force me out of my own funk.  


I know it's natural to get like this, especially in the winter.  And I could feel it coming on yesterday so I made a preemptive strike and finally used a holiday gift certificate to pamper myself with a manicure (which I am soooooooooooo loving today!).  Apparently this is one of those super annoying parts of womanhood that I just have to ride out.  


If it weren't so cold out, I'd be walking...I feel the need to be outside...and I got super spoiled by the wonderful weather this week (64 degrees in Iowa in January...uh okay!).  Maybe instead I'll give in to the annoying headache and nap before settling in with the husband for the Bulls game tonight.


And go to bed promising myself that if I wake up all funk-y tomorrow...I'll force myself out.  Cold or not.  Overwhelmed or not.  Just for a bit.  And I'll fake a happy face until it's genuine...because sometimes...that's all you can do.