2012...

Mood:  meh....


It's 3:04pm on a Saturday afternoon.  I'm blogging from beneath a quilt, wearing sweats and a Millersville shirt.  I've showered...done 2 loads of laundry....started my boards on Pinterest...and read half of my current literary obsession Whip Smart:  The True Story of a Secret Life.  And it's been a fantastic day.  The dawning of today marked the first of 48 hours during which Jeff and I had NOTHING (besides laundry) that HAD to be done.  Nothing.  No errands that can't wait.  No holiday events or parties.  No bank runs or grocery runs.  Nothing.  


And it feels phenomenal.  And indulgent.  And sooooooooo odd.  And I kind of hate that I am feeling like emotional crap today.


I'm not used to sitting all day and being...lazy.  And I always say that all I want is to have NOTHING to do.  I like having the chance to be lazy...most of the time.  But, secretly, I hate it as well.  For a few reasons.  The most prevalent one today, though, is the PMS.  I've been having really depressing PMS lately.  Not like I sink into an actual depression, I'm just not myself.  I was trying to tell the husband how I felt earlier and all I could come up with was the line from the 40 Year-Old Virgin where Leslie Mann screams "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaawd, I hope I get my period soon...I am in SUCH A BAD MOOD!"


Is there a menstruating woman alive who can't relate to that feeling?  It is so frustrating to be in this horrendous mood even when you honestly do feel fine.  But you don't.  You're happy and annoyed and...honestly...it's just all very exhausting.  I'm a big believer in honoring feelings....especially if they're painful and hard and frustrating...but there does come a point in time where faking happiness or plastering a smile on your face can be incredibly useful.  There most definitely is wisdom in the old adage "fake it till you make it."


Which brings me to why I sometimes dislike being having nothing to do.  I've stayed busy reading.  Wasting time online.  Doing laundry.  Talking with the husband.  Watching tv.  Showering.  It's just...I don't know.  


I had a fantastic date night with Jeff last night. And my work week was hectic, but overall, good.  Jeff and I had an exhausting week for numerous reasons...and I thought that I wanted nothing more than to just do nothing.  All weekend.  I do.  And I don't.  I am itching to get out of the house....but every single time Jeff and I think of something to do, the thought of leaving the house feels overwhelming and not fun.  Even though I KNOW I should get out...perhaps for nothing else than to grab a cup of coffee or some frozen yogurt or walk around Target or get a tattoo or...SOMETHING.  Something just to force me out of my own funk.  


I know it's natural to get like this, especially in the winter.  And I could feel it coming on yesterday so I made a preemptive strike and finally used a holiday gift certificate to pamper myself with a manicure (which I am soooooooooooo loving today!).  Apparently this is one of those super annoying parts of womanhood that I just have to ride out.  


If it weren't so cold out, I'd be walking...I feel the need to be outside...and I got super spoiled by the wonderful weather this week (64 degrees in Iowa in January...uh okay!).  Maybe instead I'll give in to the annoying headache and nap before settling in with the husband for the Bulls game tonight.


And go to bed promising myself that if I wake up all funk-y tomorrow...I'll force myself out.  Cold or not.  Overwhelmed or not.  Just for a bit.  And I'll fake a happy face until it's genuine...because sometimes...that's all you can do.

3 Day Weekend

Mood:  relaxed


I'm currently watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall with my husband.  It's the 3rd movie we've managed to watch from our list of around 15 that we wanted to...apparently we had a much busier weekend than we had anticipated.  And it flew by...


Christmas Eve I actually managed to sleep in until 8:30am while poor Jeff was up at 5:30 and out of bed by 6:00am.  When I managed to drag myself out of bed, I wrapped a ton of gifts and watched Jeff play some Batman.  Then we headed to his Dad and Grandmother's to spend some time with them.  We stopped at a bar for a Christmas Eve drink...which proved to be a very interesting experience for us...and then had breakfast for dinner with Mom.  I've always told Jeff that for some reason Christmas Eve is (for the kids in my family anyway) generally a bigger drinking night than New Year's Eve is.  Since we're going to have Malcolm this weekend (yay!), I assume this will hold true again this year.  Jeff and I sat around with Mom talking and drinking for hours.  Somewhere around 11:00pm we hauled our quite tipsy selves to bed.


Christmas morning we woke up...this time together at 6:00 (poor Jeff hasn't managed to sleep past 6 on any of his three days off) and stayed in bed just talking and laughing like we used to, before we had to get up for work every morning at 5:30am.  When we finally got out of bed around 8:00, we showered, and then helped Mom prepare soups for Christmas dinner.  Chili and potato soup...yummy.  We spent some time visiting with his sister and her boyfriend, his brother, and Mom before opening presents.  It was quite the haul under the tree this year...

Once the presents had been opened and the company had left, Jeff and I settled in to watch the Bulls game.  With the exception of the 3rd quarter it was an exciting game...and they won by one point!  Jeff fell asleep with his head on my leg while watching Bridesmaids after the game, so we headed to bed.


Today we did laundry.  All day.  We just finished, and it's 4:46pm, but we are finally starting a work week with NO laundry in the basket...clean sheets...and no big "to-do" lists hanging over our heads.  


I'm sitting here smelling the candle Mom gave to me...

...which if you can't read is appropriately titled "Home Sweet Home," and sitting next to the husband.  Christmas has come and gone in a blur and it still doesn't really feel like the holiday season.  Perhaps it will next week when we get to watch Malcolm open his crazy amount of gifts.  And perhaps it just never will this year.  It's okay.


I've got a smile on my face...and I could not feel more loved and cared for by ALL of my family.  I hope you and yours had a blessed holiday season whether it was Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa coming up.  


I'm going to sit back, enjoy the rest of the movie, have a quiet evening, and love the fact that I have a 4 day work week this week...and next!  Happy Holidays from Iowa!

Peace Be With You...

Mood:  content




I'm staring at my husband as he plays Batman: Arkham City, drinking a glass of wine, wearing last year's Christmas PJ sweatpants, and enjoying my fantastic new red hair...and I realized...I couldn't be happier right now.


Jeff had to work today, but I had the day off.  Since I felt so awful Saturday I moved my hair appointment to this morning.  At 10:30am I left the Aveda Institute with freshly colored, cut, and styled hair...and having purchased my mommy's Christmas present!  I stuck around the West Des Moines area shopping...since I still had to get Daddy something.  I found the perfect gift for him...and a few small things for Mommy and Caitlyn as well!  I had an awesome lunch at Panera (thanks to a gift certificate from one of my students!):

Panera's garden vegetable soup with pesto in a bread bowl?  Delicious!


Jeff got out of work early and we headed to P.F. Chang's...which while not only tasty...is a special place to us.  It's where we first ate when he met my Daddy and my sister...we ate there in PA...and again when we met Mommy and Daddy in Indianapolis...so it's kind of like "our" restaurant if it were a huge chain.  Anyway...I wanted to look pretty for date night, not like I'd been running around all day getting angry with shoppers glued to their cell phones or drivers glued to their cell phones cutting me off...so this morning when we left I packed an extra sweater and some jewelry and makeup to switch my outfit around and surprise Jeff.  When I left Aveda Institute and was running around the mall I looked like this:

I swear I was not as angry as that photo may look.  Anyway.  When I got to dinner with Jeff I looked like this:

It's insane what a good Smashbox lip gloss, sparkly Givenchy earrings, a pretty jewel colored sweater, and some trusty Bare Escentuals makeup can do in 15 minutes...or less!  Plus having low lighting doesn't hurt...


Anyway.  I had an amazing day.  Was it always happy?  No...there were times where I thought I may break down in tears since I was shopping without my sister (at Panera I had a near meltdown).  I found so many things/people/places I wanted to point out to my Mommy and so many jokes I wanted to crack with my Daddy...but I got through it.


It's Christmas Eve...Eve...and it still doesn't feel anything like what the holidays usually do...but that's not a bad thing.  I've realized this year that while Christmas may be just another day...it's okay.  And it's not a bad practice to get into the habit of celebrating everyday...no matter how ordinary.  This Christmas couldn't get more ordinary for Jeff and I.  We have a list of movies we want to watch including:  Shaun of the Dead, Get Him to the Greek, Superbad, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Role Models, Empire Records, Paul, Office Space, and I Love You Man among a gazillion others (we'll try this all in 3 days!) and that's about all we plan on doing.  We have some family stuff...and traditions from my house including the PJ and stair picture...but nothing massive.  And that's okay.  In fact after all the crazy changes we've had in the past few months a few days of slowing down and zoning out is as close to perfect as our holiday can get.


I don't know that I found the Christmas spirit...but I remembered what the season is all about.  Knowing you are loved, blessed, infinitely cared for, and taking the time to KNOW that.  Tonight watching my husband play Batman and drink his warm holiday drink (apple cider, rum, cinnamon....delicious by the way!!!) I feel all of these things.  I KNOW I am loved (and by many not just the husband), I know I am cared for, and I couldn't possibly be more blessed.  I thank God that I have found Jeff and his amazing family.  I thank God that my family has been so supportive and understanding of my decisions to have a completely new life nobody could have dreamed up (ME in IOWA...really?!?!).  I thank God that I have a (step)son who will have a thousand presents to open next weekend.

But mainly I'm thankful that today I've found the quiet I've been searching for...in the very middle of the holiday activity.  I finally feel the peace that is supposed to surround this season...and I feel it from my heart.  


I pray you've found it.  And if you don't...it's okay.  You have tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the day after that.  After all...this season isn't only one day...it's taking the time to remember that peace and love and harmony exist...it's up to us to realize that and to make these words and ideas our reality.  


Now to watch some Batman as played by Jeff....

Bah Humbug...

Mood:  ....no that's too strong, for it is my favorite holiday......




It's Friday evening.  I feel old knowing that the thing I'm most excited about tonight is sleep.  Being completely honest, if I weren't being a stepmother, I'd most likely be in bed at this second...and yes it's before 7:00.  I've worked another 40+ hour week.  I'm fighting another cold (thank you Iowa for your season indecision and kids with your snotty noses...) and I'm currently surfing the crimson wave (I have always wanted to use that line from Clueless).  It most likely goes without saying that I'm not in a good mood.  


I'm in a decidedly foul mood.  I currently hate myself for a million reasons that I've just made up in my head and I am so tired that I'm honestly having a hard time seeing straight without things blurring up.  It's close to a week away from Christmas and I haven't sent out my family's box.  I haven't even finished shopping for my family.  And I know they don't care about the gifts...but I do.  It matters to me.  I haven't wrapped a single gift and I'm not sure when I'll have the time to.  I haven't slept well in at least 3 nights and I'm currently going on hour 7 without food.  


The thing that is making me most upset?  I can't turn off the racing thoughts.  I can't shut my own head up.  No matter what I scream at myself in my brain, no matter how many deep breaths I take, no matter how many silent prayers I lift...I CAN'T STOP.  Ever.  For the last two weeks it's been nonstop, incessant chatter in my head.  Things I've left undone ranging from laundry to finishing my seminary degree.  Things that may or may not be in my control. Things that...well you get the idea.


I've been wanting to blog all week.  I keep putting it off.  Why do today what can be done tomorrow, right?  I hate blogging when I'm in a bad mood cause I want this blog to reflect my "happily ever after."  But tonight I realized that every single happy ending isn't all happy, is it?  Maybe for Walt Disney it was...and that makes for a great movie or story or theme park...but every real marriage and relationship and "happily ever after" that I know has bad days.  Hell...the Bible has some REALLY nasty days.  So I figure if I'm going to write about my marriage and my life then only writing when happy does both my readers and myself a disservice.  It's not fair to pretend to be happy all the time for anyone.  And I'm not unhappy...just having a rough time lately.  It's my first Christmas away from family...and my first Christmas married...my first Christmas as a (step)mom but it'll have to be spent without the son...it's dark and winter...it's long hours at work...it's stressful work...but I'm not unhappy.  In fact I am indeed very happy.  It's all just a very bittersweet happy I suppose.


I have a hair appointment tomorrow at the Aveda Institute...which I LOVED the last time I was there.  Hopefully getting my hair colored and trimmed will help me to just completely zone out.  To shut myself up and turn off my brain, even if only for an hour or two.  To just allow myself some "me" time.  To be pampered and to REALLY feel as good on the inside as I know I should and do...if that even makes sense....


May you be experiencing a joyous holiday season...and may you take time to find the still and quiet in the midst of the noise and the hurry

Tis the Season

Mood:  exhausted...happy




I had no idea it had been SOOOOOOOOOO long since I blogged.  Unacceptable.  


So without further ado, here's what's been going on in my life.


I'm still loving my job teaching preschool.  It's so fun!  Of course there are mornings (often) that I wake up and just want to pull the covers up for a few more hours...but that feeling is generally gone by the time morning snack rolls around.  I've been fighting colds (nothing major) and allergies since Iowa can't decide whether to be unseasonably warm or cold and just keeps walking the line between the two.  Those days, it usually takes a bit longer to remember that I'm not only lucky to have a job...but that I really do like it.  A lot.


The husband has just accepted a new job.  He's still working in IT...but not in the same capacity.  He'll finally be getting paid what he's worth (at least to the company...he's priceless to me!) and there is the opportunity for growth and career development which was severely lacking at his current position.  


We've been keeping quite busy as the holiday season came upon us.  Working, baking, grocery shopping (it feels like we go all the time!), sleeping, and spending time with the son.  We've had him since Wednesday night...and I couldn't love it more.  Spending this much time with him has to be the thing that I'm most thankful for this Thanksgiving.


Beyond that...we're navigating married life with a lot of laughs, some tears, and a very thankful attitude.  Yesterday we had a skype session with my parents so they could talk to (and see) Malcolm.  It was wonderful.  We knew Malcolm wouldn't understand what was happening...and that he wouldn't have the attention span to talk like we did...but it was still fantastic.  To not only talk to my parents...but see them laugh and smile and watch their movements.  


It's really the very small things in my life right now that are making me incredibly happy.  I can't describe the feeling of getting hugs and kisses from my students, or hearing Malcolm get excited at mastering identifying objects with Daddy and I.  Being able to physically see my parents as we caught up on each other's lives was something that seems so very insignificant...but when you're half a country away...it means nothing less than bliss.  My last blog was about doing things daily to make me happy...and it's a practice I still maintain.


This blog is more about learning to live simply...in bliss and acknowledge those blessings I already have.  As the holiday season goes into full swing...I'm feeling incredibly blessed, lucky, and beyond happy to be living the life I am.  I hope you are able to feel the same!